East Coast Averages
Welcome to East Coast Averages: Celebrating Everyday Averages
Join Nicky J on East Coast Averages, the podcast that transforms ordinary lives into extraordinary stories. Each week, we spotlight unsung heroes and everyday individuals who contribute to the vibrant tapestry of our communities. Discover the unique and inspiring stories of average people as we explore the rich diversity of experiences that shape our world. Tune in every Friday for new episodes that reveal the remarkable within the everyday.
East Coast Averages
Ian, He Makes You Laugh 60% of the Time Every time.
Dive into Sharp Wit and Dark Humor with Ian: From Basketball Passion to Dad Life
Join us for an episode filled with sharp wit and dark humor as Ian brings his unique and edgy sense of humor to the conversation. Known for his quick comebacks and pungent remarks, Ian’s engaging storytelling and candid insights make for a captivating listen. Discover how his passion for basketball evolved into the life of a dedicated basketball dad. Plus, find out why you should never offer him $50—his velcro wallet just won’t hold it!
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Welcome to East Coast Averages, the podcast that brings you stories from everyday people from all around the world, Recorded on the east coast of Australia. I'm your host, Nick, and each week we'll sit down with average people who have unique stories to tell. Let's peek over the back fence and see what's happening in other people's lives. I never know what I'm going to discover until I sit down and start chatting to them. Welcome back to East Coast Savages. I'm your host, Nick, and today we're talking to a guy I haven't seen for about two years. I reckon I've seen him in the street and I crossed to the other side when I see him coming. I saw him the other day in Springwood walking down the street and I saw him and I thought do I really want to get him on the podcast the way he's walking down the street like that.
Speaker 1:But anyway, here he is. Ian, how are you going Welcome?
Speaker 2:How are you man?
Speaker 1:I'm very well, thank you. It's been a while since we've sat down and had a chat. It has Probably about two years.
Speaker 2:That's been two years. Probably a good idea to cross the street while I'm walking down the street.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I actually saw you walking down in Springwood and I thought you had this coat. I don't even fucking, it might not even have been you, okay, so you crossed the street for someone else Because I fucking saw I don't know you didn't look too happy, you fucking had this shopping bag. Okay, so it might not have. I don't think it was you, because that dude was a bit fatter than you're. Looking at you now, okay, good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Good to have him put on any weight Shopping bag. That's odd. Did I have a dog? Because I used to go to spring with a dog?
Speaker 1:No, you didn't have a dog. Did you get another dog, did you? I have?
Speaker 2:another dog.
Speaker 1:That's a whole conversation there for another dog. Well, what sort of dog is?
Speaker 2:That's a good question he's not very smart with the road, are we still? It's too soon. It's too soon. We don't fucking talk about it. Well, she's not listening to this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll fucking tell her she can't listen to the first five minutes. First five minutes, yeah, okay. Good so you're from the mountains, born and bred, not born, not born.
Speaker 2:I't you tell Jesus.
Speaker 1:Born in Manly, manly.
Speaker 2:Manly. Yeah Fuck, before it closed down Born in Manly, you've got a fucking Bondi chest for someone who's. Manly, I know. Thank you very much, I know.
Speaker 1:That means a long way from Manly for those people listening on the other side of the planet.
Speaker 2:I've had a few listens from. America, from America In about three weeks.
Speaker 1:I'm going to Hawaii in October. Okay. I'm going to Hawaii too, but it'll be July. Is that bad? Is it in Hawaii? No, it's fine. Where are you going to the States?
Speaker 2:Okay, so we're going to LA Doing Disneyland.
Speaker 1:Give us the fucking, abridged fucking version, the abridged version.
Speaker 2:So you're doing Disneyland On Disneyland, disneyland Universal Studios, buffalo, to meet some friends that we met in Europe in the Contiki 20 years ago, oh yeah. New York City, because once we're over the East Coast, you might as well.
Speaker 1:Go there. Next, I'd love to go to New York City. Yeah, I'd love to go to New.
Speaker 2:York City because I want to go to the Intrepid Museum, which I missed last time.
Speaker 1:What's the Intrepid? It's the aircraft carrier with on the on the yeah, that's right, you're a bit of a military buff, a little bit of a buff, but I'm pretty buff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm front man, so uh basically I've always wanted to go there, so I have to go back for that economy class business, uh economy, economy plus, uh, not even that. If times times are, Times are tough and inflation is here.
Speaker 1:I'm paying. I paid an extra 90 bucks per seat to sit in the fucking door aisle, so no one's in front of me. Yeah, where are you sleeping? Yeah, I'll be fucking. If it fucking gives way, I'll be coming in fucking hot in Hawaii. Believe it or not, I'm walking. I'm burning up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've always thought about. That Changes your tune. Thanks, Boeing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I think it's a Boeing aircraft we're on anyway, yeah, we're on Airbus and Boeing. So I said goodbye to everyone.
Speaker 2:I told everyone before I left work they could have my locker and to basically wipe my user history on my computer. That's what they're going to do if I don't come back.
Speaker 1:Do you have anyone at your work that's got a draw that says, if I die, throw this one overboard. Buried at sea. So, anyway, you're from the Blue. No, you're from when did you?
Speaker 2:I moved as a baby.
Speaker 1:You're a baby.
Speaker 2:So you're not really from Northern Sydney. No, I was only born there, I was just born there.
Speaker 1:We'll pass them by. Pass them through, yeah, and then Blue Mountains forever school, all the schools, and left briefly.
Speaker 2:Came back now. Where'd you go?
Speaker 1:I lived in suverland no, I was living in someone for a while, someone's good god's man, we fucking passed each other fucking in the street. We probably passed each other street in southern. We passed each other in at the hospital. Yeah, fucking yeah, all the time, and you probably crossed the road you know you were saying your mum's was in the same water as mine was in. I actually saw you a couple of times. I just fucked up around the other.
Speaker 2:I thought what's that? What's that fucking shadow?
Speaker 1:what's that air? I don't know. He smells familiar. I know that, I know that butt, I know that fucking pungent, fucking odour musty.
Speaker 2:It's illegal in three states. I promise it, it's illegal in three states. It works 60% of the time. You know what I mean? Oh, fucking.
Speaker 1:Ooh, pungent. Yeah, that's a good show that it is. It's very funny. I like watching the TikToks. Yes, I think my favourite part's the song they sing Sky Rockets in flight. Yes, yeah and go boo.
Speaker 2:And also the brawl yeah, yeah, yeah, I killed a guy. I killed a guy with a truck.
Speaker 1:I saw that is that the same movie where he says I had rivers of ejaculation, pompeii, pompeii, yes? Have you seen the other one where he's sitting at the dining room table and says you won't be happy, dad, I've been doing some things to your daughter.
Speaker 2:I don't know how no one else laughed while he was doing that and how you can come up with that and sit there and let an actor do that.
Speaker 1:He looks like he's ad-libbing too. Yes, and it's just coming flowing out of him. I'd be gone. I've done things. I'm not going to like it. I'm going to not like it.
Speaker 2:That's the best I'd be gone You'd have to edit me out and then CGI me back in, or or like straight faced yeah because you couldn't sit there and fucking listen to that.
Speaker 1:No, as it's coming out and also knowing that it was ad libbed. See, I did a bit of a recording last night that I fucking thought was hilarious, but Kez reckons it's not funny at all Not funny yeah. So I'll play it to you after we finish.
Speaker 2:I thought it was fucking, I'll judge it. I thought it was fucking, I'll critique it.
Speaker 1:I was absolutely dying of fucking laughter Unbelievable. That stops. So you went to school in fucking the Blue Mountains. Correct Yep Year 12?.
Speaker 2:Yep, I did finish year 12, believe it or not, yeah, went to uni.
Speaker 1:How was school? Was school fun?
Speaker 2:Yeah, high school was good. Now, looking back, do you know, when they always say it's your best years, but you don't appreciate it at the time, is that what you think?
Speaker 1:I do. Yeah, Fuck, I disagree. I fucking hated school.
Speaker 2:At the time I did hate the academic part of it yeah. I was crap at that and I wasn't mature enough to do enough study to actually get a good mark. That was the problem. But in relation to just playing four-unit basketball for year 12, not bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you spent most of your time just in the basketball court.
Speaker 2:Basketball court not very good, but just throwing-.
Speaker 1:Do you still play basketball now? No, why don't we see you playing in the fucking seniors comp or something?
Speaker 2:Probably because my knees would fall out. But no, I don't play basketball now and I'm having girls. I'm a netball family.
Speaker 1:It's been Fucking hell.
Speaker 2:I've been netball. We're trying to play basketball this summer because it's cheap at Blacksand and we have some friends playing.
Speaker 1:But apart from that, historically Knowing you back then, you were a fucking massive basketball fan and I always chuckle when I see something come up on Facebook that your kids are in netball Fucking close. I just think that poor bastard's got a fucking house full of netballs and all he wants is a basketball. I know.
Speaker 2:I've been converted. It's not a bad sport, it's not too bad. No, not at all. It's actually quite talented. Like, the skill level and the speed of the game is actually really good. Yep, it just hasn't got the traction that basketball. Basketball is always going to be a better sport, but I get quite involved.
Speaker 1:Would you take your family to watch them play live? Yes, we've been down quite a few times.
Speaker 2:We usually get cheap or free tickets for the Swifts or something like that and we go down and that level again is pretty good. You quite enjoy it. It's pretty good once you get into it. Anything that's competition. They get down, they shoot, have a fucking. What is happening, mate? I'm not me anymore.
Speaker 1:What the fuck you've gone? Where's my fucking mate?
Speaker 2:Ian, we're going to have to get this tattoo removed.
Speaker 1:I know it's terrible. If you could look at me, I've got a tattoo that said R-A-N in it and over the years it's faded and I always tell Ian that it now says Ian for him it does, and the one on the other side looks like the bell end, as the English people like to put it. It looks like the bell end. I tell him it's on the other side, for him as well.
Speaker 2:That would take about a 12 or 14 French gauge.
Speaker 1:But anyway. So you're a fucking netballer, netball family yep. So I'll go to both my kids play basketball and I would mow a cricket pitch into my backyard and I'd be out there fucking why, why? So I've got a fucking $3,000 basketball fucking hoop out the back there and all I want is a fucking cricket net with a bowling machine that I can go out there with. But neither of them Not interested no not interested at all.
Speaker 1:And the problem with basketball. I've been to a few live shows. They don't fucking shut up when you're playing the game, like dead set the announcer, it's like shut the fuck up. I'm trying to watch the game man. Okay. Does anyone actually want the Olympics anymore?
Speaker 2:I don't think so, but anyway, there's break dancing and various other things in the Olympics. So I think yeah, it's fucking surfing Golf, correct Tennis.
Speaker 1:Like, for fuck's sake, man, Olympics is fucking track and field, fucking swimming, fucking weightlifting yeah, the classics.
Speaker 2:Cycling. And that's about it, chuck, a fucking spear Spear chucking Javelin. Well they're put was just bored people at artillery room and just going-.
Speaker 1:Oh, how fucking you throw a fucking I reckon I can throw that.
Speaker 2:That's how it started, like I reckon I can throw that further than you Just bored one day on a mountain and then they went. Okay, let's find out. And then it was a lipping sport Put a fucking put a chain on it and I'll fucking swing it around. That's how I difference for it.
Speaker 1:I wonder how many old Romans got a fucking shot put to the head accidentally like with a ball and how many people died probably trying to change the rules and stuff like that? Because it would have turned into a. Someone will dig someone up in England and they'll go fuck. He's been hit by in his fucking head and it's got a fucking chain. Nah, it was the Olympics mate. He was the judge. Yeah, he was the judge.
Speaker 2:He said it was a foul Wars have started because of that reason. It's it, I'm patting your dog.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the dog Usually kick her outside when we're doing the podcast recording. She's warming my left foot.
Speaker 2:Is she?
Speaker 1:She's sitting, he sleeps on my bed, which is fucking a whole other story. I've given up.
Speaker 2:That's all right. Yeah, we fared with our little dog too. He sleeps up there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, king Charles. It sounds like you've got royalty mate. He is. Yeah, king Charles the Cavalier.
Speaker 2:He's a cavalier, he comes in and he's got full rights to all parts of the house. And what did you pay for him? $8,000? It's all right. Yeah, it was a rescue. So, oh, your dog's biting me. Is it humping the foot? No, it's now biting the foot. She's back, no, no. So we had some friends who were unable to look after it. Unfortunately, their children became allergic to dogs, oh to dogs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just suddenly became allergic to dogs so they had some health problems, so they needed to get rid of that too. They had two. It was for breeding. They had good pedigreed dogs ready for breeding.
Speaker 1:Ready to go?
Speaker 2:He chopped his balls off. We immediately neutered him.
Speaker 1:He took his nuts and he's gone.
Speaker 2:He's still looking for them now. Well, he's joining a netball family.
Speaker 1:He had to go. So he's come in. So where were we? School School, yeah, you liked it Basketball. Yep left school uni. Uh, yep went to uni at hawksbury.
Speaker 2:Hawksbury, uws, yep, hawksbury.
Speaker 1:When it was used to be hawksbury ag back in the day, yes, still was when I was there, but when my wife went there, went there as well. She went there years ago yeah, she's a what are they called?
Speaker 2:an alumni? Yeah, they send you letters trying to get money, but I never want to go back to that university.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I still get, still get um emails from central queensland uni, where I did a course, and they're alumni or whatever.
Speaker 2:It kind of reminds me of something of the States. We kind of don't get involved. I went there, studied and went home.
Speaker 1:It's a bit bigger over in the States, all that kind of shit. Yeah, I agree, but I think you're paying. So did you pass your uni course? I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so from there went straight off to the cops To the police. Well, from there went straight off to the cops. Nissel Falls Police To the police.
Speaker 1:Well, let me tell you you need to listen to the podcast that's called Max and Me, the Defect, because we have got an hour conversation about high-over-trial but we won't go into, but I'll tell everyone who's listening. Go and have a listen to it. It's pretty funny. Okay, the Defect, the Defect. So you for too long.
Speaker 2:Three years. Did three years there, Yep. So yeah, I did most of the time in the cross, which is where they sent me. I did my probation there and, yeah, did no GDs and ended up in, I think, basically target action group position in there. Did quite a lot of very interesting things in the three years which you can't talk about. Not all of them, no.
Speaker 1:Not all of them.
Speaker 2:But it was a good time, eye-opening, coming from the mountains going to the cross, I found it interesting on the point of consolidating kind of what I'd learned At uni. At uni, which I would suggest is very left-wing.
Speaker 1:So you reckon uni is a left-wing, incredibly left-wing, yeah.
Speaker 2:Not wrong, just left-wing it was just a good dissenter some of the stuff and what what the problems were.
Speaker 1:So did you feel in the coppers that three years you were chasing your tail and trying to fix problems or they didn't let you fix the problems?
Speaker 2:We weren't. Yeah, the problems couldn't be fixed. They were big problems. We did little individual things and that was fine. But yeah, some of the problems are there for society. We're always going to be doing it yeah yeah, Anything to do with the justice system. I think that's an oxymoron. I think people would go through it and say that there's no justice in the world, only the law. Yeah, and the law is unjust. Yes, correct, yeah, is that from?
Speaker 1:fucking philosophical course, mate. That's not bad.
Speaker 2:We could fucking spend an hour discussing it.
Speaker 1:I wish I had that Go back. Quote that Quote. That it's my evidence. It's not fair, mate, it's only the fucking law, and I am the law.
Speaker 2:I am the law. So yeah, that was that was. Yeah, it was interesting, it was fun. I was young, similar to you when you're in the in the military yeah, you're young, you do it. It was good, great experience. Got it on my resume, glad I've done it, yep, but I believe I got out for the right reasons and Do the 15, 20 years that. I was told. I don't know if people do that anymore. I don't think they do. The career is-. Look how hard.
Speaker 1:It is for them to fucking get people in. Well, they're paying for it.
Speaker 2:The last class just came through, they were paying, and the change in society, change in workplaces, stuff like that, change of cultures, all that sort of stuff. So again, I don't know the answers to that one, but the is no longer a thing. Yeah, they are career police officers.
Speaker 1:So you left the police force and you joined the secret society you joined the government service we don't talk about on my podcast we don't.
Speaker 2:The secret society yes, I joined that. Obviously, this is where we met. You didn't cross the road this time. No, we didn't cross the road Probably because you couldn't.
Speaker 1:In fact, I pulled out fucking 50 bucks and said here's 50 bucks. And said here's 50 bucks, mate, correct. I said you said While I was parking, that's right, you were fucking like. We won't say where we ran into each other or how we ran into each other, but anyway, I see this fucking, this dude that I'd only known for Days, weeks, maybe days, and anyway I see him. He's in a fucking panic state in a car park and he says mate, fucking, here you go, 50 bucks.
Speaker 2:Well, I can do that. I think I can say the circumstances for it. Well, my wife had just delivered twins, yeah, twins, early, early yep, as twins, all twins fucking come.
Speaker 1:And now let's get sidetracked here. Ever since, this man fathered twins. Naturally, all you fucking hear is how good his fucking spunk is oh yeah, and it's the same across if a bloke, if a bloke's father, twins. Oh yeah, I've had fucking twins. I'm so fucking fertile. I've fucking impregnated my wife twice with one fucking splooge and women oh, I've had twins. Oh, you fucking have one baby on the boob. I had two babies on the fucking, both boobs none of them have so well.
Speaker 2:I sense a bit of jealousy here with someone who's not a I don't have super splooge. Someone who's not a member of the Multiple Birth Association which is the other secret society?
Speaker 1:Tell me, it's not true, bud. So your wife gave birth early and you had no money in the car park. We had nothing.
Speaker 2:I didn't even have my wallet on me and I fucking and you came to the rescue.
Speaker 1:I've been to Top Lake man Fucking pineapple and said here, man, take that. I thought this man's rich, you mean?
Speaker 2:I'll set the scene a little bit. You opened up your wallet Dancer dollars just fell out to start with. I was like, well, add a couple of frangers. I was like, what's that?
Speaker 1:A little bit of MDMA.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah I was like what is all this that's coming out? And then you did. You did offer me 50 bucks and no, I didn't, no, no, I don't think I had to change.
Speaker 1:I needed about five bucks.
Speaker 2:I just needed some change.
Speaker 1:I didn't even fucking change it. I should have gone and bought some more.
Speaker 2:I don't think there was anyone.
Speaker 1:It was late at night. Yeah, I don't know why I was hanging around there late at night. We weren't going there.
Speaker 2:Anyway, but yeah, I was without wallet.
Speaker 1:I may or may not have had going on the house I don't even know it was locked.
Speaker 2:He might have been bent over looking for cigarettes. Yeah, so that's good. I forgot about that. That was good. Thank you very much. I haven't forgotten, apparently not because I haven't slept since then, so I don't know bloody kids.
Speaker 1:So now it's like 15 years ago or something, wasn't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, it would be the girls are now 14, so yeah, bloody hell. So that's it.
Speaker 1:Uni. That was fun, like the uni days.
Speaker 2:Not what you would see from when you see TVs like movies for the states.
Speaker 1:A lot of mates drinking and carrying on.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, there was a lot of drinking, but no, uni wasn't very social. That was a work commitment. You did your-.
Speaker 1:So you did that.
Speaker 2:You were doing that uni degree purely to get into the coppers back then because they sort of started to go, yeah. So yeah, look, yeah, I was looking at criminal investigation or something along those lines. So that was what I was looking at, not necessarily, you know, gd policing, but something along those lines. But yeah, no, just went there, did that. There was no real social life or anything within the uni, in the university stuff, but obviously you have your friends and stuff, but yeah, lots of drinking lots of fun.
Speaker 2:Good time. I think everyone has a good time around that age group you recover from hangovers good.
Speaker 1:It doesn't really matter where you are, whether you're an apprentice, you're in the military, you're at uni. That age 18 to 21, 22, 23, it's a wild fucking ride. You drink too much, Always drink too much and look sometimes you look back and think, fuck, I don't even know how I survived that.
Speaker 2:No, no, like I'd wake up in places that you didn't know. Some of the shit that I did Alcohol, poisoning Some of the shit I did in that age group Literally shit when I was in the Navy, I fucking did the drinking man.
Speaker 1:It was just like, yeah, it's next level. Yeah, and I wasn't even a big drinker, no, nor was I. I didn't drink a lot, like I wouldn't get into a shout. Ten blokes would get into a shout and I'd have the first shout. So I'd buy the first ten and I was gone by the time we hit four or five schooners. I was fucking gone. You did, yeah, but they just fucking. They just put their heads down and fucking powered through it. The career skewy drinkers.
Speaker 2:Oh, that was similar to the police Big drinking culture there. It used to be good Big social stuff but it was all good. You could start getting good, but you recover from it and you survive. You might wake up with an extra friendly possum on you at one point in time, and various other weird, strange things and weird things in your pockets.
Speaker 1:A bit of vomit on your shoe or something. A little bit of missing. Some things Might be. There might be some wee in the wardrobe. Yeah, because you went to the wrong room to fill the toilet.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, some funny things.
Speaker 1:I'm just thinking of some strange things that I've done. It's quite funny.
Speaker 2:Well, come on then let's hear them All right. Probably the worst thing was probably when I was in another country, so we were on a Contiki tour, so it was just drinking, drinking, drinking. I think we were at altitude that might have not helped.
Speaker 1:You're a bit hypoxic.
Speaker 2:I believe I might have been, I don't know. All I remember is going to bed pretty intoxicated. The next minute I wake up, I'm just in my boxer shorts and I'm trapped in somewhere in the hotel room Like don't know what room, Maybe like a lobby or something like that. All the doors are locked. I'm getting a bit panicked and it's cold, Super duper cold.
Speaker 1:Is that your phone there, Ian? Have you never been on a podcast, man? That's it. No, that's all right. You can answer that if you like.
Speaker 2:No, that's all right. It's probably spam.
Speaker 1:I could edit that out, but this is a pretty raw broadcast. This is a pretty raw podcast, so I like to keep the stuff in Anyway.
Speaker 2:Yeah anyway, so I'm semi-naked. It's freezing cold, it's the middle of the night, I don't know where I am what country are you in?
Speaker 2:It was Switzerland. Yep, that's fucking cold, yeah. So I don't know how I've made it wherever I am inside the hotel room or wherever I am, but there's like armor, like as in, like medieval armor, like things on the walls and stuff like that, like shields and and and all the stuff. So, anyway, I end up acquiring one of the bits of weaponry to jimmy, so I use this to open it up. Then I've come across some girls who were on our tour it was.
Speaker 1:They were from inglewood LA.
Speaker 2:Inglewood, so I find them there outside, so they weren't in the hotel, so they were trapped outside. So like I don't know, maybe I heard them knocking, I don't know but-.
Speaker 1:That might have woke you up or something. Yeah, potentially. So this was a hotel you were trying to get back into.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I came a long way, like I was got down to the ground floor. Did you get back to your room? They took me back and knocked on the door and then, yeah, my girlfriend then opened the door and went what are you doing outside?
Speaker 1:Where have you been, mate, and I'm like why have you? Got like a weapon. And why is there a 50 cent piece in your bum With a note saying keep the change?
Speaker 2:It's the weirdest thing because I have no memory of it, I just have-. My only memory of it is just like waking up, standing up, just lost. What's the last thing you remember before that happened? Getting home. So I do remember getting home from the club, out the front, and I know around what time that was, and then this was hours and hours later.
Speaker 1:I remember going to a party when I was in the Navy and I remember walking out on the veranda and I was speaking to two girls and they poured me a drink and I remember sculling that drink. It was a cup of something, I think it was vodka. I don't remember another thing. All I know is is that the next day at work the guys whose party it was weren't fucking happy with me because apparently I was being a bit of a knob.
Speaker 2:You don't remember and I don't remember. But the funny thing is I wasn't being a bit of a knob. You don't remember and I don't remember.
Speaker 1:But the funny thing is I get really bad hangovers. I wake up that morning. I did not have a single fucking hangover, so I don't know if someone slipped me a mickey, Couldn't remember a thing. I just wake up on the couch looking no one's there and I'm thinking that's weird. I don't know what I've done and the only thing I remember is that they wouldn't let me go into the city with them at like 2 am. That's the only memory I have of the night, and the next day the dude wouldn't talk to me. I said what's going on? He said, fuck you, you were a complete knob last night and I don't know what I did. Did they ever tell you? Never told me I. I didn't get punched or anything, but yeah.
Speaker 2:Like the OG escape room.
Speaker 1:So I wonder what would have happened if you didn't wake up.
Speaker 2:I would have just gone. Yeah, I would have just gone, but a couple of other people got hit in the same the friends that we were with. He woke up on the balcony and again he was upstairs. Maybe someone slipped you something. I'd say altitude I think it was the altitude Plus.
Speaker 1:I reckon that in planes, if you drink in planes, you get more pissed. That's my guess.
Speaker 2:He woke up naked. Fortunately I was still dressed, so I went wandering. He just went out of the room, went onto the balcony and it was like Switzerland weather it was cold.
Speaker 1:So that makes you wonder why, like everyone in Australia gets pissed at that, and like you can fall asleep in the front garden in Australia Even in winter, you're probably going to survive. In the city You're going to get a chill. Maybe in the Blue Mountains you might. You've got a good chance to get hypothermia.
Speaker 2:Well, it was explained to me once by a search and rescue person that in Australia our search and rescue nothing can eat. You basically rescue you, nothing can eat.
Speaker 1:You basically yeah, true, and you probably won't freeze to death, which is the two things in the northern hemisphere which are very true. Yeah, it can happen quickly.
Speaker 2:So the first two things. Okay, yes, this crocodile's a bit further up, but rare.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's about it, and most people, if they're lost in the northern territory, would probably have the foresight to stay away from the fucking river. Probably don't sleep the swamp Nibbilla bong. Yeah, you probably want to climb the tree and fucking stay out of the water. Yeah, yeah, exactly, you're going to get eaten.
Speaker 2:Right on the beach Not a good idea. I've seen Crocodile Dundee, I know what happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that was really a good point. You go yeah, you're right, You're probably not going to freeze to death, unless you're wet around here. So you go. Wow, there's two critical factors that have been removed.
Speaker 1:You could get bitten by a funnel web or a snake, but that's fucking highly unlikely as well. It doesn't eat you, yeah.
Speaker 2:I found two this season Funnel webs, two male funnel webs Yep, it was basically the most venomous spider in the world.
Speaker 1:Where did you find them?
Speaker 2:One was on the deck alive. I just flicked that into the backyard, flicked that into the backyard, so he didn't like take it out.
Speaker 1:Is it illegal to kill a funnel web? I would say so.
Speaker 2:Like snakes. I imagine it's a native animal. I wasn't sure, yeah, I mean, I guess you're justified if you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you just flicked it. Oh yeah, you flicked it onto his wife's head accidentally. So whoops, hey, watch out kids and they'll play with it.
Speaker 2:And I found a dead one just down the side of the house. But we have another two live ones. I know their nests are up. I'll just stay away from them. But the redbelly lives near there too. So, we have a redbelly at the front, so I let him or her be.
Speaker 1:Because if they go, a brown might take the spot. Well, they reckon that redbellies keep brown snakes away. Correct, talk about a little. I found this is fucking pretty. This is funny and sad at the same time. My fucking cat or me dog. Now the dog had one, a native fucking mouse, right, oh yeah, so we're chasing the fucking the dog up and down the veranda. We get the fucking mouse, we get the dog.
Speaker 2:We let the mouse go.
Speaker 1:It's fucking running down the veranda. So it's done. I can taste the fucking mouse that we just spent 20 minutes chasing, trying to survive. So, the mouse is thinking I'm free, I'm fucking free. I'm back for dinner. This fucking bird comes in and just goes boop, I'm gone, mate.
Speaker 2:I guess it saved it. It doesn't have to hunt another one, so it saved another one but that's terrible, but I don't think I could leave a snake in my front door.
Speaker 1:No, like you do, yeah, but you'd have like a thousand fucking huntsmen in your place, wouldn't you? We have everything You'd turn the lights off at your place and I reckon there'd be a fucking million huntsmen. As long as it's not cockroaches, I don't care yeah see I can't do the huntsman and I reckon your house is-.
Speaker 2:We've got some daddy long legs, yeah, those black ones. We call them Freddy. Oh, the black ones, yeah, but we have the huntsman's too that go around, and the wolf spiders, yeah, huntsman and wolf spiders, man, I reckon your house would be just yeah, there's a few, there's a few, but they only come out at night time, you see them wandering around, yeah, fuck. It's just.
Speaker 1:I look at it as an ecosystem what? Eats funnel webs. I reckon if you want to get rid of spiders you get ducks or geese or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I hear chickens do.
Speaker 1:They love them. Yeah, and it's like eat them up, Do you have?
Speaker 2:chooks? No, I don't have chooks, but I guess anything. Really. They're designed to basically kill mice and little things like that and they've got the toxins yeah, with similar toxins to what we have. So unfortunately it's really active on us. Yeah, and you think, like, would they get the antivenom from horses and equine?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that leaves it at. That's the fuck it. I think that's. The interesting question for vegans out there in podcast land is that they actually make antivenom by putting the venom of the snake. I'm pretty sure funnel webs are done with rabbits, okay, I think I'm pretty sure funnel webs are done with rabbits. Okay, I think I'm not an expert, but I always wonder.
Speaker 2:I know it's another animal, it's a puppy animal. Yeah, so they put it into the horse and they get the horses, but they make the vaccine.
Speaker 1:So if you're a vegan and you're against animal testing and I'm open you can fucking believe in whatever you fucking believe. You do you bullet, you do you whatever you want. But if you're that fuck staunch vegan and you get bit by a brown snake, are you taking the antivenom or are you saying no, thank you, I'll try my luck, because that horse that was infected, that has no ill feelings like it doesn't even it doesn't it gets a fucking injection in its bum and it thinks three days later it gets blood taken out, doesn't give two fucks.
Speaker 1:it's eating an apple, what it's? What's? Oh mozzie, get off me. Yeah, and so are you going to refuse the fucking-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, I don't know, I'd take it. I think there's-.
Speaker 1:I'd fucking take it. I personally think there should be an exemption on that one. You get a hall pass on that one.
Speaker 2:I'd be a massive hypocrite. I say a whole pass for me, that one.
Speaker 1:I reckon it's a brown snake You're going to have horrible, horrible side effects, including death. You're taking the-. I'm taking the venom. You're taking the venom.
Speaker 2:And I wouldn't judge any vegan who took it.
Speaker 1:I might judge them afterwards. If I was friendly with them, I'd judge them, but if I didn't know them, I wouldn't judge them.
Speaker 2:But if I knew, them.
Speaker 1:They'd never If the end of it okay, yeah, it's between mates.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I think you will find a brown snake in your bed. That one, there might be some now. Yeah, hall, pass on that one. It's a brown snake. You know what is it? The second third most venomous snake in the world? Yeah, horrible, horrible venom in relation to what it does to us in our blood. Yeah, yeah, hall, pass full 100. You can have as much as you want.
Speaker 1:You can have a beef burger after that so you um, you've left the secret society that you've left the government agency we don't talk about on the podcast society 18 and a half.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think I was maybe six weeks, seven weeks short of 19 years. Yep, yep for the uh secret agency.
Speaker 1:So yeah, the government the government agency. The government government agency yeah, yeah, so so we'll just gloss over the government agency. And yes, now I would have liked to have had fucking pod mics when we fucking spent some time together working for the agency.
Speaker 2:It would have been good.
Speaker 1:Fucking some of the conversations If anyone was listening.
Speaker 2:They're in therapy now.
Speaker 1:People say to me all the time, and I'll play that thing that I thought was funny, and they go where's your fucking head? Go, Nick, and I think Special place, ian knows exactly where my fucking head goes, because he goes there. I think he goes fucking there before mine gets there.
Speaker 2:I'm a close second to fucking where my head goes. Ian's there Waiting for you. I'm here. What took?
Speaker 1:you so long I've been here for there.
Speaker 2:I show up Waiting for you. I'm here. What took you so long?
Speaker 1:I've been here for ages. I've been sitting on the fucking street all day for fucking 10 minutes waiting for you.
Speaker 2:I've been Forrest Gump at the bus stops waiting for you eating my chocolates. But yeah, welcome to the bottom. Can't really get better from that Dark. It is a dark place, but it's a happy place too.
Speaker 1:It is a he's a happy place.
Speaker 2:I think it's good when you can let go of all the chains and you speak in your mind and what you're feeling and you're not suppressing.
Speaker 1:If you have that weird intrusive thought, you fucking let it out, it's being shared and I share them. And people look at me and they just fucking look at me stunned. I say what? That's not what you're thinking. And they go no, not at all. Where'd that come from? Of? Where did that come from? Of course not. And I sent that thing, I recorded, to a mate and he said that's friends, only man, that's fucking not going to happen. He's categorised it.
Speaker 2:That's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:He said, friends, only You're an odd bod.
Speaker 2:Odd bod. I've known him 30 years. Every industry has it and all that stuff. We just get pushed along a little bit.
Speaker 1:I mean it's good, you know what? I don't know any different. That's where my mind has gone my entire life. I've got very dark fucking humour. I'm very pragmatic about life and life events, yep, and I don't take offence to humour. Now I wouldn't go out and be mean to someone.
Speaker 2:No, there was no malice in it. No, there's not, it's purely comedy and I would fight. Pure comedy, it's pure comedy. Comedy defence, I like it, but your honour, it was pure comedy.
Speaker 1:You get fucking upset, fucking. That whole nation Hates Australia. Now I'm the Prime Minister of Australia. I'm upset. We're at war. It was comedy man.
Speaker 2:It was pure comedy, pure fucking comedy. I didn't fucking mean it, okay.
Speaker 1:I was just joking, just joking.
Speaker 2:Relax, just joking, brian, fucking calm down. But yes, that's-.
Speaker 1:I don't know what it's like to be anywhere else, yep, but you know what it's like to be there, because you're there before me, yep.
Speaker 2:Have you always had that fucking I think I might have had some inkling for that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Personality-wise and yeah, obviously sometimes the emergency services does help push you that way and they go there In the coppers. You've got to be dark. They have a very dark sense of humor and they're happy to do that. Again, it's part of a coping mechanism. I think it's about being honest with yourself. I think that's the most important thing, that people kind of gloss over that. I think if's the most important thing is that people kind of gloss over that. I think if you are having those thoughts and you're having stuff, it's good to let it out, because your shared thought, a shared feeling, is what that is. Yeah, and I think it's important for that, for people who don't, because everybody has those bizarre thoughts at times. I reckon everyone does. They just manage it differently. We were in an environment where it was allowed to be out and I think it's healthy where it was allowed to be out and I think it's healthy.
Speaker 1:And if you're on peers a lot of them, yeah, I think some people would disagree.
Speaker 2:People think, like you and I do, of being discriminated against. But you've got to pick your audience, you've got to pick your friends, you've got to pick.
Speaker 1:There's a situation and I think that is a little bit lost and I think that comes with maturity of knowing when to Correct, have that particular conversation or joke and when not to Exactly right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, that's the problem there. But, as I emphasised, none of it's ever about malice, and if it is causing malice, then you have to own that.
Speaker 1:And apologise.
Speaker 2:Correct, and there's no problems with that either, but none of it is. I've never seen any. It's never been my motivation to hurt anyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm the same, and I guess that's why I don't fully understand where people who don't get it. I think maybe they look at you and think, oh, that's mean. And I think, oh, I've got a fucking mean bone in me body. No, Like I fucking popped out 50 bucks, or like I didn't know fucking straight away, mate, some dance adults.
Speaker 2:Yeah, didn't help.
Speaker 1:On a pole at the time and covered in glitter. But I thought, oh fuck it.
Speaker 2:I'm giving him a 50. But you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like you said, it's never, and I think if someone overheard that conversation and looked at it and thought, oh fuck man, you've been a knob, I think if they got to know you they'd realise that you're not that nasty. In fact, you're probably quite the opposite.
Speaker 2:Yep, correct. I mean it's your own and things have changed and you have to adapt as well. So I understand that, but funny enough after some time, I think they generally go down that street.
Speaker 1:That's the way. Just give it time. Most people find it funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It goes down, you're just not there yet.
Speaker 1:You'll get there. You'll get there, keep coming down. And they will, and I, so you've always thought you've had a dark sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I've always gone that way. I think it's funny.
Speaker 1:I think it's good to have a bit of wit be the first one to let something in or do some correlation between something or something else that's what I've got to say about that. That's what I'm saying. That's what I've got to say about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I've got to say about that. Back to being-.
Speaker 1:Of course, even the conversation we're having here. If we're not recording, our level of darkness goes down Probably even too much for a podcast.
Speaker 2:Potentially yeah, Potentially fucking game. I know all the laws and regulations about that. I don't have defamation insurance at all.
Speaker 1:And I changed my fucking house into my wife's name before.
Speaker 2:I started the podcast. Oh, you did. So come at me, because I've got no money.
Speaker 1:Three-fifs of fuck all hey, uh, we're coming up to about halfway through the podcast. Sure, I always need to wee when we're doing a podcast, so do I, and I need to. I need to go and check on the bloke doing some work in my garage. Done, all right, we're back with ian. We had a bit of a break. I had a guy doing some work in my garage. He's putting some tinted windows on the old lady car that I drive. We won't go into the car because I don't want people to start following me around going hey, that's fucking Nicky J from the East Coast Average. We won't say who comes on the TV, but you know a particular person would come on the TV and you always say what's his name. I cannot fucking watch the TV Every single time. For the last I don't know 10 years, I see this person come on the TV. I look at my wife and say what's his name. And the amount of people that look at me and go there's that dark humor yeah.
Speaker 1:And I say, yeah, it looks like. I wonder what that grandfather's name is.
Speaker 2:I may have transferred that to another organization and used that only a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1:I can say it's 100%. I'll use that line watching tv.
Speaker 2:So many fucking times it'll be.
Speaker 1:What's wonder what her name is that other joke that you had to um always like a political.
Speaker 2:We had a fucking joke and whenever you said it, you'd have to go.
Speaker 1:You're written, written and um fucking spoken by fucking.
Speaker 2:You have to acknowledge Authorised by. Authorised by fucking. Authorised by Ian. Fucking spoken by Nicky J.
Speaker 1:Nicky J services Anyway so one of the guys that my son's TAFE thought it was odd that his father had Snapchat. So he sent a Snapchat to me and it said Nicky J, yup, yup. So I just fucking all my son's mates call me Nicky J, Nicky J.
Speaker 2:Oh looks all right. So I just fucking all my son's mates call me Nicky J. Nicky J, oh looks all right, so I won't say Still sounds hot. Sorry, I'm a pretty good looking chick, aren't I? You're doing it right. Yeah, I wish you didn't cross the road every time.
Speaker 1:We'll kind of get rid of this facial hair. I'll be fine, mate. So where was I? Anyway, my car's got done, we had a break, we came back. I paid the dude for doing Tinder windows, did a pretty good job. Looks all right, looks good, looks hot. You were thinking fucking that's I might do it.
Speaker 2:You might do that to your car. I might do it on the 4B. Do it on the 4B. No one can see me.
Speaker 1:With the fucking press button.
Speaker 2:I can't go back.
Speaker 1:I can't go back car around and it's got one of those push handbrakes. Oh, I don't like them, and now I'm driving around in the fucking other car that doesn't have one. I'm pushing the dashboard where it used to be every time you don't like them.
Speaker 2:No, I get a bit confused with that. All the automatic ones, I don't like them, I don't trust them. Oh, you put them in park, one starting with an R A-M.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, wonderful vehicle, not a sponsor, shout out Could be. If you wanted to be, you could have them. Feel free, send me an email at eastcaseaverages at gmailcom and I'll send you my address. You can send me one.
Speaker 2:Send me one to test it out. I'll test it for you. We'll get to do it. But yeah, this had a really weird park break and we just never got used to it. It was really really bad.
Speaker 1:You didn't trust the technology, not at all. So I think we haven't really spoken about it, have we? We sort of brushed over it and gone on a lot of tangents Not with my conversations. Ever, never happened. No, it never fucking happens, can't get.
Speaker 2:A to B. You have to go for it the rest of the hour, so where have we been?
Speaker 1:We've been to uni. We've been to school, been to school, yeah, you went to uni and did policing Pole, pole, pole, pole, yep and then you joined the secret society. I joined the secret society, the government agency that we don't speak about.
Speaker 2:We don't speak about.
Speaker 1:I'm enjoying that your kids are crazy netballers and you drive past basketball courts yearning, I reckon this summer I think we're yearning.
Speaker 2:I think I can get in. The skills are transferable.
Speaker 1:And how long are you going to the States? For Three weeks, so you're flying to.
Speaker 2:LA. Flying to LA, we had to cut it short because we've got a state network.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, three-day state network, fucking hell.
Speaker 2:They're playing at a top level, so good on them, so yeah. I didn't want to do it. I was like, let's get out of here, let so we had to cut a week off it. No, that's not too bad, it's all right, yeah, so off to go both sides of the States, visit some things that I missed last time.
Speaker 1:Are you going?
Speaker 2:to hire a car when you're there.
Speaker 1:Driving in New York and driving in LA. I wouldn't bother New York. Yeah, I probably wouldn't. No, maybe in Buffalo because it's not too busy. Is that where your friends are, buffalo? Yeah, up in that way yeah, so probably not.
Speaker 2:We'll see how it goes. But to be honest, driving on the right is not something I'm that excited about.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I have driven over there just, but within a really sheltered area, you know I've driven in a car with Didn't enjoy it Like we've got just for all the international listeners to this highly regarded podcast, East Coast Averages by Nicky J. I'm your host. I've driven a car that was left-hand drive and you know what really fucking shocked me is that the accelerator is the same foot on a left-hand drive, Like your right foot is still the accelerator, but it's on the inside of the car.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, and.
Speaker 1:I sat in the left-hand drive and I thought that's fucking weird eh. Because I was expecting for the accelerator to be where our clutch is in Australia.
Speaker 2:That's the sort of thing I was worried to do.
Speaker 1:You'd be hitting the accelerator fucking jam. It'd be all over the place, of course, if you left foot brake. I left foot brake fairly regularly, driving automatics for hill starts and that. But if you're used to driving a manual, you pop that fucking clutch in and you forget that you're driving an automatic. And you left foot fucking brakes with your fucking clutch leg and you're fucking like daydreaming, you can come to quite an abrupt fucking stop, whoops.
Speaker 2:Well, I was like that, yeah, there's too many moving parts, and I thought I didn't realize about the pedals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and actually the pedals are the same and that's what I got in the car and I thought-.
Speaker 2:Because it's so instinctual how fucking strange is that the pedals are actually just moved straight across and I always thought well, you just kind of keep the center of the road to your side when you're driving.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm going to Hawaii and my I'd rather my brother drive, because then I can sit in the back and look at the scenery.
Speaker 2:I don't want to be fucking worried about where you're staying, just Waikiki, yeah, what hotel are you staying in? I can't remember off the top of my head.
Speaker 1:I'm staying in the same hotel, my brother and sister are staying in, but they're staying in an ocean view room, righto, and I said, now my sister and brother can turn this off. I said to my sister and brother that I would stay in the same room, but I said to Kez I said fuck it, we're never going to Hawaii again, I'm staying in an oceanfront room. So I paid for this really nice fucking room.
Speaker 2:And I'm just going to tell my brother and sister that we got upgraded because we'll be in a different part of the hotel. Oh nice, I'm just going to say, oh no, we just got to.
Speaker 1:Because we're getting there a couple of days early, I'm going to say, well, we just got upgraded.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure how we got this room. Yeah, I said I was Nicky J. I said I'm Nicky J from East Coast.
Speaker 1:You got a red carpet, too, and a basket of fruit.
Speaker 2:They said who are those people out there? The Paps, they're me mates, you can get a red Ferrari.
Speaker 1:What's that big fucking RAM?
Speaker 2:car you're driving. Is that free? Yeah, I've got an email.
Speaker 1:In each case, it's at gmailcom saying fuck, I used a high car in fucking Hawaii. They're a pretty expensive car.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't, obviously. Yeah, it wouldn't be in my price, it wouldn't fit in my thing, but for the rolls if I had horse float or caravan something, a big boat? Yeah, there's nothing, and that was the idea around purchasing them in the first place.
Speaker 1:But if you're laying down the dollars on one of those you're fucking saying to the world, you've either fucking got a lot of equity market or you've all fucking got some money.
Speaker 2:You've got some money or you're towing something with some money.
Speaker 1:Because obviously they break as well.
Speaker 2:They've got all the modems for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you see what the Toyota Land Cruiser's, those fucking $130,000, $140,000. For fuck's sake.
Speaker 2:Ours. We were driving $160,000 because they were modified yeah, so we were driving around with them.
Speaker 1:Saw one at Marketplace the other day for $238,000 in 2023. Toyota had a lot of electrics and camper shit put on it.
Speaker 2:They've also got everything in them.
Speaker 1:It was a good-looking car, but $238,000.
Speaker 2:Have you seen all the white ones that you see over the government agencies overseas? Yeah, I've got those and I'm like I'd probably drive around in one of those. Yeah, and you just go wow, what happened to the Toyota Hilux?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Good vehicle, but that's a big fucking outlet. I'm Mr Shitty man with 300,000 Ks on it that I've had for 10 years Fucking drives down the beach. But you know, the good thing about it is I don't give a fuck. I drive down the beach and I don't care if it gets sand in it, I go fishing in it.
Speaker 2:I don't care if there's salt water because it's got 300,000 Ks on it.
Speaker 1:It's ready to go. It's been palletized.
Speaker 2:It's ready to go.
Speaker 1:I can tow my van to where I want, to fucking camp. I don't give a fuck. So going back to we've gone a bit too much. So what does Ian do for fun when he's not working?
Speaker 2:Well, it's netball.
Speaker 1:It's netball. You're a netball dad. Yeah.
Speaker 2:For fun. I don't have that much time anymore. I'm still really busy, but yeah, I still like reading. I do lots of hikes.
Speaker 1:You're a military buff.
Speaker 2:I'm a buff, I do do my reading he does a lot of reading. I do a lot of reading. It's fun the old Kindle. But yeah, probably hiking You're a bushwalker.
Speaker 1:You're the first person on the podcast that actually likes bushwalking. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, there's a lot of reward, especially where we live. The area is quite rewarding 500 metres but you go a K in outside the tourist mark.
Speaker 1:mate, that's way too fucking far for me. It probably is.
Speaker 2:And it's all very hilly. My blown knee couldn't do it anymore. No, you could just ring emergency services right here at the bottom.
Speaker 1:You always get there. I might do that every Saturday afternoon, but you can Actually.
Speaker 2:I will. Yeah, you can, I will, you can get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah and yeah, that's all right, and that's what I pick.
Speaker 2:I do really enjoy that, and I've kind of forgotten what part of the world we do live in is actually pretty special compared to other parts of the world. And not everyone has it and we kind of do, makes it a little bit harder to park, but it is very nice.
Speaker 1:The council now charges for parking up in the Blue Mountains and I'd love to see their bill. I'd love to have that bank account. I reckon it'd be like a counter just going ching, ching, ching ching, ching. Still don't have curb and gutter in.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no. Is that defamation? Is that the council still hasn't put curb and gutter in that that's within their role to help provide Someone put a path down me fucking street.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and stuff like that Paid for by the Sydney side as a company and paid for parking.
Speaker 2:Well, poker machines and pubs were supposed to make the beer cheaper. Remember that. Yeah, live entertainment.
Speaker 1:That was the whole idea. That didn't work, did it? No, no.
Speaker 2:Well, there's another story with that.
Speaker 1:That's a whole other fucking Taxes. I had a fucking tax collector on you.
Speaker 2:I think everyone would agree with that one. I had a tax collector on you.
Speaker 1:I was a guest. He worked for the ATO in his younger years. Oh wow, I fucking shunned him. I said you're shunned on biblical proportion, mate, Is it? Do you have a file on you?
Speaker 2:He's looking around. Have you claimed all this? Yeah, you're working from home right now, this podcast.
Speaker 1:I've got one maybe sponsor.
Speaker 2:No, you've got one t-shirt.
Speaker 1:French benefit test I might get a 25 fucking US dollar fucking t-shirt for nothing.
Speaker 2:I might send them back an email.
Speaker 1:I'll pick it up while I'm over there. Save on fucking postage. Have you seen the fucking postage? I might wear it.
Speaker 2:You might see me wearing it. It smells. Has this been?
Speaker 1:worn A little bit.
Speaker 2:It smells. Has this been worn A little bit? It smells like my old mate Ian. Yeah, I'm going to cross the road.
Speaker 1:I'm crossing the road. He's looking at me weird. It makes me. It makes me tattoo itch.
Speaker 2:Oh, oh, that's me, I'm back, just the eye, the arse.
Speaker 1:But honestly, After chatting to you, I can't believe how many Of the same places we've been to Like with our, with our elderly mothers being in hospital, that same warts that we haven't actually ran into each other, I know.
Speaker 2:It's amazing. It was sad for both of us to be in all honesty and sad for them, but you were correct and like when you left the agency.
Speaker 1:I have to say you break my heart, ian, because I thought you might fucking keep in touch, you know, and we might have got together for a beer. I'm just fucking I sit at home on Friday nights longing, friday nights longing. Would someone please invite me out for a beer.
Speaker 2:Maybe me old mate Ian, I've got my tattoo here or rub it.
Speaker 1:He'll know I'm sitting on the street dildo waiting for him.
Speaker 2:It's something that, yeah, I always struggle with that type of stuff and I don't know if people want to know and stuff like that. Well, we've stayed in touch, it just hasn't been physical.
Speaker 1:It just hasn't been in person. It used to be physical, Ian. What happened?
Speaker 2:between us, not allowed near you or your pets. He's sitting on my lap right now.
Speaker 1:We look on a face mate.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, I always keep peanut butter in my pocket, is that?
Speaker 1:her ass she's licking.
Speaker 2:It's good she loves it. She's just a bit bony.
Speaker 1:She's not happy. She's adjusting to bring her butt up in the air. Yeah, I know she. Yeah, I know she's just Come on then.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I haven't got the I've got to work on-.
Speaker 1:You know what she looked at you like then? Have you seen that the family guy where the sheep's getting shorn? Oh, yes, yeah, fucking shimmy. The fucking dog stuck its butt up in your face and it's turned its head around and it looks like it's going fucking shimmy.
Speaker 2:Shimmy, that's it, fucking shimmy. She's the chosen one. But yeah, I regularly keep peanut butter in my pocket so that dogs can come around and like me and any other wildlife that comes along. She's a bit of a stray with no collar. Oh, I haven't got a collar on.
Speaker 1:No, oh, I must have got washed the other day. Must be sitting in the laundry.
Speaker 2:Oh, sitting in the laundry. It's like this must be strange.
Speaker 1:We got her off Facebook for 400 bucks.
Speaker 2:Did you?
Speaker 1:all kids get phones early on?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, so kids thrive on boundaries.
Speaker 1:My kids would have fucking hated living in your house. They would have.
Speaker 2:Kids thrive on boundaries. No, so year seven we got phones.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that was fair. No, it was fair.
Speaker 2:Easier said than done the our kids thrive on boundaries thing. We've had the pushback now for the next two years and we've seen the change With them having phones and social media and all that shit. See, that's the thing.
Speaker 1:It's the same with TikTok, but I'm the same. I don't watch news on telly. I occasionally look at newscom on my phone and if they don't get me in the first fucking paragraph, I'm gone. Mate, I'm just swiping straight past you, yep. So, I'm not much better than the kids to be honest, oh, same deal.
Speaker 2:Like it's just. You can just see the changes with it.
Speaker 1:But you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't because the social stuff goes through, so much you don't want to cut them out, so you do. It's just as important to be able to run a phone these days as it is to be able to write your name on paper.
Speaker 2:Well correct. A whole bunch of stuff goes through it and you know lives will go through it. But yeah, I think the I'm not against them if they start pushing it back a little bit. I think it's good for development if that makes any sense and we've all gone down that rabbit hole. When you're just doing something bored and oh, you've got nothing to do instead of waiting in a doctor's surgery, phone straight up, man, I've been down I've gone very deep I'm an Instagram rules bloke at the moment.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, and I'll just go down and, down and down. Some are funny and some are very clever too. There's some good stuff.
Speaker 1:There's some people putting some shit on the internet. That is fucking hilarious.
Speaker 2:They're geniuses.
Speaker 1:I know I've read of those Reddit things and someone will put like a two-sentence reply to a comment or a one-liner. And I'll fucking die.
Speaker 2:And I'll guess it will laugh for 30 or 40 minutes, they'll murder it. Yeah, they just go in there.
Speaker 1:These guys are fucking genius. How did they come up with that?
Speaker 2:They've just'm after. That's what I'm looking for. Is that one line or that one word, just like smashed down?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they've just killed this other person.
Speaker 2:Whatever argument, whatever point they're putting across, they're just sunk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's why you go looking for comments like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly right, and some of the cleverness, and it's not all mean or anything like that.
Speaker 1:It's just just good wit, like good clever wit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like two sentences of just oh, you've got them. Which I could think of that? That?
Speaker 1:quickly. I read one once, like a year ago, and it said something like it said a sentence. Then it said, if you will, at the end of it and the fucking. I read the whole thing. Not funny, but the if you will at the end just fucking killed me for some reason. It just fitted with everything that, like, was written up to that, if you will. And I don't full stop if you will at the end. Just fucking killed me for some reason. You're done. It just fitted with everything that was written up to that, if you will, and I don't full stop if you will. And I fucking died. Eh, I died for about an hour.
Speaker 1:I was absolutely dying in bed, dying of laughter, over fucking three words if you will, if you will, okay, and I've been on the hunt to try and find somewhere I can put it in. That could be just as funny. I can't do it, unable to. I'm unable, if you will. So we're coming up to about how long these podcasts go for and we didn't really explore the real. Ian.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think we did, but anyway it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:I think we'll talk. There's a whole bunch of laws. Let's stop this? I think we no, but I always ask, I guess, have you got any advice? If you were going to give someone one word of advice, what would you give them? One word of advice, wit.
Speaker 2:You know what? Don't kick those thoughts inside.
Speaker 1:Let them out. Let them out, let them free.
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 1:That's it, that's it. I won't give any more other advice. No more advice.
Speaker 2:Otherwise I'll be responsible for it. It could be really bad. Bad things will happen All right.
Speaker 1:So be real, say what's in your head, correct? I don't know, ian, because I've fucking heard what's come out of your head sometimes. It's funny and my fucking oh, I think it's fucking hilarious.
Speaker 2:Thank you, someone by advice would be I can be real, but say it quietly, whisper it to your mates. Whisper it, yeah, yes, because there's.
Speaker 1:Maybe you need, maybe you fucking have to vet what you let out to the public a little bit, but that's your fucking Too late, too late.
Speaker 2:It's fucking out there Too late.
Speaker 1:Are you still carrying around that fucking 13-year-old's wallet? Yes, the fucking Velcro Ian has fucking he's still got it.
Speaker 2:He's when I don't know about the rest of the world.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to pick this out. I think the Velcro needs to change. I know it's time. Back in the day. What, in the late 80s, velcro wallets were the? Fucking rage it was a Billabong yeah, billabong wallet, velcro wallet yeah. And Ian, ian, how old? I didn't ask how old you were. I'm 46, 46, fuck you.
Speaker 2:I thought you were a bit older than that no 46. This is just Years of shift work have made these beautiful lines. On my face. Fuck, you're a young man.
Speaker 1:But anyway, the 46 year old Goes to the shop, pulls out a fucking 14 year old's wallet and that Having not met Ian. If no one's met Ian, that explains Ian right, fucking there, yep.
Speaker 2:He's a 14-year-old in a 46-year-old's body.
Speaker 1:Maybe even 12. All right, thanks for coming, ian. So, going on Ian's advice, let it out. Let it out. Oh, I did it, you did it. Thanks for coming. Pleasure, enjoyed chatting to you, yep. Anything else to add before we go?
Speaker 2:No, it's all good. Thank you for having me, no worries.
Speaker 1:It was good. Have a good day.
Speaker 2:See you later Cheers.
Speaker 1:Just a quick PSA from the younger and better looking East Coast Averages host.
Speaker 2:I want to say thank you for sitting down and listening to Ian and my old man have a chat. Wwweastcoastaveragescom. There's some hats and beatties up there. Get amongst it fools. Good night.
